Since the move I've been feeling a bit like the ugly duckling. Old demons of self-doubt and insecurity have resurfaced in a really powerful way, and I haven't been able to shake them as easily as in the past. At one point I was knee deep in my closet tearing everything off hangers, ready to throw it all away. Funny how a major life change can trigger bad habits no?
Working with amazingly creative people, with impeccable taste, and years of city living under their belts can be incredibly inspiring. But, it can also lead to jealousy and comparison. Which is why I'm sitting here writing all of this out. I know from past experience that the best way for me to deal with issues is to talk them through with others, lucky you. For reference, it feels a bit like being Anne Hathaway's character in the Devil Wears Prada before she finds her footing. Let's get real though, there is NO way I'm going to stop eating carbs, or buy $800 purses.
I guess the me now is in limbo; stuck between the me I know, and the me I will be. Not a bad place to be, just an unsure one. I'm working for the most amazing company who asks me to dream big for a living, a luxury I've never afforded myself. I've always believed that the best I could do was pay my bills, and create in the small space of time after work and before bed. Now my eyes are opening to seeing beyond what I'm capable of today, but what I could be capable of with hard work and vision. Harnessing my talents in a broader way than I first imagined. Comparison in some cases makes a person work harder, and in others can be debilitating, and destructive. In this case it is both.
I'm so torn between feeling inadequate, and wonderfully challenged. I'm entirely too impatient, and want an overnight transformation. Does any of this rambling make sense? Confused, and in over my head; that's me now. big kiss, bekuh
